


Yes, Minister for Magic

by gemlad



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Yes Minister, Yes Prime Minister
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 08:06:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1811290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemlad/pseuds/gemlad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in an AU where Harry failed, and muggle troops are aiding in the war against Voldemorte, the Minister for Magic, Jim Hacker, has a problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yes, Minister for Magic

Sir Humphrey Appleby walked into the Minister’s office as if he owned it. As he had worked there for longer than any Minister, one could almost say he did.  
“Minister, we may have a problem” he said, placing a magazine on the desk in front of Jim Hacker, the Minister for Magic.  
“What’s this, Humphrey? The Quibbler? I thought they’d stopped publishing.”  
“They have, Minister. This is the Radio Times.”  
“I’m sorry?” the Minister replied, not even understanding the word ‘radio’.  
“Oh, it’s a Muggle publication,” interrupted the young man sat next to the Minister. “It provides information on various entertainments, broadcast on the Muggle equivalent of the wireless.”  
“Thank you, Bernard. So what’s the problem, Humphrey?”  
Sir Humphrey pointed to an item in the programme listings. The Minister read it out loud.  
“Weekly World News Roundup. A no-holds-barred news show that gets to the bottom of things and isn’t afraid of the truth!”  
The Minister smiled, almost patronizingly, at Sir Humphrey.  
“You don’t really believe they publish ‘the truth’, do you?”  
Sir Humphrey harrumphed, and pointed his finger once more on the page. “Next to that, Minister.”  
The Minister once more read aloud, “Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes! We have wonderful wares and wicked whirligigs! Sponsors of Weekly World News!”  
“They like their alliteration, don’t they Minister?”  
“Yes, Bernard. It seems they do.” the Minister replied. “I don’t see that there’s any problem about an advertisement, Humphrey. Although I thought that the company had been wound up after the unfortunate incident with Mr. Weasley. Is this an old edition?”  
Sir Humphrey sighed “No, Minister, it is today’s. Today’s edition of the Radio Times.”  
“Yes, you said.”  
“The Muggle publication.”  
“Yes, the Muggle publication of entertainment things - I was listening, you know. Oh.” The Minister paused, a thought obviously trying to make itself known. Bernard and Sir Humphrey waited patiently for the knut to drop. “Ah. Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes advertising in a Muggle magazine. Humphrey, we may have a problem.”

They reconvened later that day, Sir Humphrey carrying a small stack of files.  
“Tell me that you’ve fixed it, Humphrey,” The Minister said. “The PM’s been on my back about Project Apprentice and I need to get this out of the way sharpish.”  
“I think I can say, that unless the Oxford English Dictionary has had an update in the ‘F’ section, that the situation is not yet, as you put it, fixed.” He sat down, and opened the top file.  
“Here are the Last Wills and Testaments of Mssrs. George and Fred Weasley. Would you like to read it?”  
The Minister peered over the parchment and saw the long-winded Latin and legalese the document was written in. “Could you, ah, summarize it, Humphrey?”  
“Of course, Minister. The estates of Mssrs. Weasley and Weasley were commingled, and the resulting residue has formed the corpus of a testamentary trust, with the executor as fiduciary. The cestui que use is to be the people of Great Britain, both magic and Muggles, contingent on He, to whom we do not assign an appellation, being completely defeated.”  
The Minister slowly closed his mouth, before opening it again to speak. “Could you, perhaps, summarize it further, Humphrey?”  
Sir Humphrey gave the Minister a look, which put him in mind of a hawk about to strike. The Minister shuffled uncomfortably under the gaze.  
“What he’s saying, Minister,” Bernard interjected, “is that the Weasleys left their estate to Great Britain - presumably the Crown or the government, but only once You Know Who has been defeated.”  
“Thank you, Bernard. Was there anything in the gobbledygook about why Wizard Wheezes is still advertising, and in a Muggle magazine at that?” the Minister asked Sir Humphrey.  
“Well, Minister - I thought it was obvious.”  
“Assume I have missed the obvious, Humphrey.”  
“Of course, Minister,” replied Sir Humphrey smarmily. “The fiduciary, or trustee as it were, is covenanted to ensure that the trust fund is not devalued until such time as the contingency transpires.”  
“The trustee has to make a good return on investment” Bernard translated.  
“Thank you, Bernard,” Humphrey said haughtily, “It seems that the trustee has decided to continue the business of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes with the monies from the trust fund. All in accordance with probate law.”  
“But they’re selling to Muggles!”  
“Yes, that is the problem.”  
“Who is this trustee, hmm?” asked the Minister. “Let’s pull him in to the Ministry and he can be charged under the Statute of Secrecy. Let Magical Law Enforcement deal with it!”  
“Ah.” said Sir Humphrey. He looked thoughtful for a moment, his forefingers resting on his lips. “The problem with that, Minister, is that the trustee is a Mr. Gerard Morris. A Muggle.”  
“And why is that a problem?”  
It was Bernard who quietly replied, “A Muggle cannot be tried by the Wizengamot, as per Clause 32 of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy.”  
“Well, let the Muggle court deal with it!”  
Both Bernard and Sir Humphrey looked incredulously at the Minister.  
“But Minister,” started Bernard, “the Statute...”  
“Yes, I’m sure the Muggle authorities can deal with someone breaking the law, Bernard.”  
“Minister!” Sir Humphrey exclaimed. “One cannot explain to the Muggle authorities which law has been broken!”  
“Can’t we? Erm, can’t one? We’ve already got those Muggle Aurors working for us.”  
Sir Humphrey looked puzzled. Bernard jumped to the rescue again.  
“I think he means the Armed Forces, Sir Humphrey.”  
“Ah, yes. Our Muggle allies on the front. But Minister,” Sir Humphrey said, with an indulgent smile, “Surely you can see that this is different?”  
“Is it, Humphrey? Sometimes I wonder why we have the Statute in the first place.” the Minister sighed.  
“Minister!” exclaimed Sir Humphrey once more. “The Statute was signed in 1689! It’s a cornerstone, nay - a foundation, of the way our community and the Muggles interact!”  
“Oh, all right. So what do we do? We have a Muggle selling Weasleys’ knick-knacks to other Muggles. If we bring him in to the Ministry, we’re breaking the Statute. If we get the Muggles to arrest him, we’re breaking the Statute. What can we do?”  
The ponderous silence was shortly interrupted by a large paper aeroplane flying through the door. Bernard intercepted the memo, which contained a small, glossy brochure.  
“Minister?” he asked tentatively.  
“Unless you have an idea, it can wait.” the Minister replied.  
“Not so much an idea, but a brochure from Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes.”  
“And? We already know what they sell.”  
“I’m not sure we do, Minister, or at least we didn’t. Or you don’t, and I didn’t, if you see what I mean.”  
“No Bernard, I haven’t the foggiest. Please do enlighten us before my wife calls to wonder where I have got to.”  
Bernard showed the brochure to the Minister, as Sir Humphrey attempted to look over it without looking too enthusiastic.  
“False noses, rubber fried eggs, marked playing cards - these aren’t magical items at all!”  
“Yes,” agreed Bernard, “It seems that Mr. Morris isn’t actually breaking the Statute after all.”  
Sir Humphrey still didn’t seem entirely relieved.  
“Forgive me as I muse aloud, Minister,” he said, “but I still cannot see the reason for the Weasleys to leave their estate in the hands of a Muggle.”  
“Me neither, Humphrey, me neither. But look at it like this,” the Minister continued, “The Weasleys were definitely on our side, yes?”  
“Well, yes. There have been occasions when they worked at odds to the Ministry, but I think we can safely say that they were against He who must not be named. After all, George Weasley did produce the Weasley Process.”  
“And the Propaganderizer.” Bernard added.  
“We shouldn’t hold that against him, Bernard,” Sir Humphrey said, “After all, there was a ministerial edict at the time...”  
“Yes, yes,” interrupted the Minister, “What I’m saying is that the Weasleys were on our side, and had brilliant, if rather odd, minds. How about we give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they had a master plan to aid us in the War?”  
“So you think this may be somehow helping us against You Know Who?” asked Bernard.  
“It may be. And if not, well - it’s not harming us,” the Minister continued, “and in the fullness of time, when the conditions are favourable, we, that is - the Government, will receive their endowment!”  
Sir Humphrey smiled. “Yes, Minister.”

**Author's Note:**

> Legalese from http://dictionary.law.com - although the grammar and construction of it is my fault if it's wrong.


End file.
